The Wonderful Pirate of the Caribbean
by andyeascrewyou
Summary: The Wizard of Oz: POTC style baby! I swear it's good! Flames are nice but reviews are better!
1. Stuck in Cali

~Hey everyone! I'm Ellen and this is my first EVER fanfiction and I decided to do it with Pirates of the Caribbean! I've seen the movie 3 and a half times! I love it! And I love the Wizard of Oz, hence this story! So if it sucks, blame the ferret! *points accusingly toward the ferret* Flames are ok but good reviews are better!~  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own everything! *runs away from all these lawyers* Ok OK! I OWN NOTHING! NOTHING!  
  
I was walking home from school, clutching my pet ferret, Tutu.  
  
"Oh, Tutu! How come we have to live near Mr. Barbossa who gets mad at you for digging up his roses! Let's go tell Auntie Ln!"  
  
I entered our backyard and went into the small storage shed in the far corner. Auntie Ln and Uncle Bob were taking care of the pot plants.  
  
"Auntie Ln! The most horrid thing happened to Tutu!"  
  
"Dear, I'm trying to work here!" Auntie Ln exclaimed, going back to her work.  
  
"Oh, but he almost him over the...."  
  
Uncle Henry interrupted, "Don't bother us. If we mess up..." he shook his fist at me.  
  
I cringed and walked inside of our house and into the living room. I found Jack (one of my Uncle's "associates") lying on the couch upside down.  
  
"Gimme another, dude!" Jack said, moving his hands around like a maniac.  
  
I perched on the arm of the couch, "Jack, what am I to do about Mr. Barbossa! He's threatening..."  
  
"Listen luv. You ain't using ye brains! I think ye have none!"  
  
"I do too!"  
  
"Jus' don't go near Barbossa's place and then Tutu won't go after his roses. Savvy?"  
  
"God, you just don't fucking listen! ARGH!" I threw my hands up in the air and stomped into the kitchen to see Elizabeth. She was cooking some weird smelling concoction.  
  
"LIZ!" I screeched.  
  
"Oh, I'm getting too old for this, Dorothy. Be kind to ol' Barbossa. He hasn't a heart left. I think it would be wise to take pity on her."  
  
"I do try! I honestly do!"  
  
"Try harder. Now get out!"  
  
I wandered back outside only to go into the garage to seek Will out. He came out from under the car, his face splotched in oil.  
  
"You're not going to let Barbossa keep bullying you, are you? Gee, have a little courage!"  
  
I stuck my nose up in the air. "I'm not afraid of that creepy old leering man!"  
  
"William?"  
  
I turned to see Auntie Ln standing in the doorway.  
  
"Uncle Bob wants to see you."  
  
Will got up and left, after doing an imaginary tip of his hat.  
  
"Oh, Auntie Ln! Mr. Barbossa said he was going to...."  
  
"Are you on something? Stop imagining things like that!"  
  
"But I..."  
  
"Now go run along and don't get into any trouble."  
  
I left the garage and walked a little ways over to the park. I let Tutu sit on my shoulder as I wandered around.  
  
"A place of no trouble? I don't even think there's such a place in a crazy world like this. But there must be. Somewhere far away."  
  
I started to sing softly.  
  
"Somwhere, over 2302 miles, way out there,  
  
There's an island I saw of once in a movie.  
  
Somewhere, over 2302 miles, waters are blue,  
  
And the rum that you plan to drink really do come true.  
  
"Someday I'll wish upon a star   
  
And wake up passed in a Faithful bride bar.  
  
Where pirates plunder, pillage and loot  
  
their weasly black guts out  
  
is where you'll find me.  
  
Somewhere, over 2302 miles, sparrows fly.  
  
Swanns fly over 2302 miles,  
  
Why then, oh why can't I?  
  
If happy little blacksmiths can be eunuchs,  
  
Why, oh, why can't I?"  
  
I blinked. That last part didn't fit in all that wonderfully. I heard a soft purr of a motorcycly engine! Mr. Barbossa! I ran all the way back home.  
  
I skidded to a stop and hid behind the mailbox to eavesdrop. And to pick-pocket Barbossa.   
  
"About Dorothy..." Mr. Barbossa said.  
  
"What the hell has Dorothy done NOW?" Uncle Bob said, aggravated.  
  
All I gotten was this wierd medallion. It was a gold circle with a pirate face on it. I put it in my pocket.  
  
"I gotten bites all over me!"  
  
"Ew, she bit you?"  
  
"No, her ferret!"  
  
"Dorothy bit her ferret?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
I came from my hiding place and held Tutu protectively in my arms.  
  
"That ferret is a menace to tis town! I'm taking it to the police!"  
  
"Police? Tutu? Hell no! You can't!" I cried out.  
  
"If you don't hand over that ferret, I'll sue you for that ferret harassing me and sue McDonalds for making me fat! There is laws for these things!"  
  
"What if she keeps it locked up without food or water?" suggested Auntie Ln, appearing out of thin air.  
  
"That's for the law to decide. Unless you want to go against it."  
  
"Uhhh.... I'm afraid we can't go against the law, Dorothy." Auntie Ln emphasized, jerking her head to the direction of the pot plant shed.  
  
"I'll kick your ass if you dare to take Tutu away from me! Uncle, Auntie! Don't let her take Tutu!"  
  
Uncle Bob pried my fingers off my poor ferret and handed it to Barbossa. Tears started to stream down my face and I ran into my room. I laid on my bed crying until I felt the slightest pressure on my back. Tutu!  
  
"You've come back! Oh, Tutu!"  
  
Suddenly a huge gust of wind started to bang against the house.  
  
"Dorothy! A tornado! Come quickly!" Auntie Ln's voice rang out.   
  
I yelled back, "Screw you! No way are you going to trick me into coming out!"  
  
I couldn't hear a response since the winds kept getting louder and louder. I held onto Tutu and laid on my bed. I peeked out the window. All I saw the pot plant shed fly through.  
  
"We're not on the ground!"  
  
Various random things flew past. I sat on my bed and started eating popcorn. All of a sudden, Mr. Barbossa riding his motorcycle is out there! His motorcycle changes into a ship and his clothes change into rags and a big ugly hat!  
  
"I'm blind! BLIND!" I screamed covering my eyes.  
  
The house kept spinning and I kept screaming and then...  
  
THUMP!  
  
I opened my eyes and got Tutu. I walked out of the house only to reveal a port in some island.  
  
"Tutu, Me thinks we're not in California." 


	2. Tortuga

~~Wow, I didn't check my email for 2 days because I had band camp and kick ass concerts to attend and I found reviews! It made me happy!~~  
  
3 Thanks to Caligirlmj, Megan13, Disturbed Black Cat Raven, darksamurai13, Katzy, Starry Eyes12, and Britt! 3  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own everything! *runs away from all these lawyers* Ok OK! I OWN NOTHING! NOTHING!  
  
I looked around. I was on the sands of a beach, looking out into the ports where magnificent ships were anchored.   
  
"We must be in the Caribbean!"  
  
A man in a fake white wig and stuffy clothes approached me.   
  
"Are you a good pirate or a bad pirate?"  
  
I blinked. There are such things as good and bad pirates?   
  
"Me? I'm not any of those! I'm Dorothy from the OC."  
  
"Well, then is that the pirate?"  
  
He pointed at Tutu who was hiding in my arms.  
  
"No. His name is Tutu. He's a ferret!"  
  
He bit his lip and scratched his chin.  
  
"That's odd. The guards told me that a pirate had sailed upon the body of Bootstrap Bill. And there's the ship and you're next to it..."  
  
My eyes widen. I turned to see a huge ship and underneath, a hand with a medallion in it. Oh no Oh no Oh no!  
  
"I didn't kill nobody! It was him!" I pointed at some random guy in a red coat. He ran off.  
  
The men in red coats began to cheer, "Huzzah!"  
  
I looked around blankly and asked, "Why are they cheering? Who are they?"  
  
The old man looked at me in surprise.  
  
"They're cheering because you have killed Bootstrap Bill, the second feared pirate of the Caribbean! And these men are the British Royal Navy."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" I interrupted.   
  
"And I am the Commodore of this port, Tortuga."  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Excuse me milady, could you please be,"  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
I promptly shut my mouth.  
  
"Come out men, and met the lady who killed that awful pirate ."  
  
He started to sing,  
  
"Come out, come out, wherever you are  
  
and meet the milady who fell outta the sky.  
  
She fell from the sky, she fell very far  
  
And the OC is the name of the place."  
  
The redcoats sang back, "The OC is the name of the place."  
  
The Commodore sang,  
  
"She brings good tidings or haven't you heard?  
  
When she fell from the OC, a special happening occured."  
  
"Out of all the things, I'm stuck in a musical! Oh becrackers!" I sighed.  
  
They all began to sing and dance.  
  
"Bing Bong! Bootstrap the pirate is dead.  
  
Which ol' pirate?  
  
The pillaging pirate!  
  
Bing Bong! Bootstrap Bill is dead!"  
  
I found the nearest pub and ordered a couple of drinks of rum. If this was going to be a long musical, I might as well do it, completely smashed.  
  
I came out, stumbling, half an hour later, to find all of those redcoats huddling in fear. There before them stood a old man dressed in rags and with a cute little monkey on his shoulder. Aw.  
  
I marched right up to him and poked him in the chest. "Hey! You're suppose to be dead!"  
  
The Commodore spoke up. "This Capitan Barbossa, his ship is crewed by the damned and he is so evil Hell itself spat him back out!"  
  
Barbossa seemed high and mighty about that little fact.  
  
I glared at him, "You've just met your match, Barbossa."  
  
"I take it that you have killed my first mate, Bootstrap Bill. Answer me!"  
  
"It was an accident! I already told you it was that guy!" I pointed at another redcoat and he ran off. Jeez.  
  
"Aren't you forgetting the pirate medallion?" asked the Commodore.  
  
"Ah, yes! The pirate medallion!" Barbossa turned towards the outstrecthed hand underneath a ship. But the medallion was gone.  
  
"It's gone!" he shrieked.  
  
"Thanks for the info, Capitan Obvious!"  
  
"It's Capitan Barbossa!"  
  
I rolled my eyes.  
  
Commodore stood up, "AHA! It's too late! It has already attached itself to Dorothy!"  
  
I looked down to find the medallion around my neck. I pulled it. It wouldn't come off! WHAT THE HELL?! I started flailing about, trying to get the blasted thing off my neck!  
  
"And there it will stay!" replied the Commodore.  
  
"Uh, a little help here!" I coughed.  
  
"I need it to break the curse! It's no use to you!"  
  
"Do not give it to him, Dorothy! He shall be cursed forever!"  
  
"Is..it suppose to choke me?" I wheezed.  
  
"Very well. I shall bide my time and as for you, Dorothy, stay of my way. I'll get you, milady and your little ferret, too! Muwahahaha!"  
  
He ran off and boarded his evil ship, The Black Pearl and sailed off.   
  
"It's all right. You can come out now." replied the Commodore.  
  
The necklace had stopped trying to kill me. The Commodore turned to me and helped me off the ground.  
  
"I'm afraid you've made a enemy of Captian Barbossa. The sooner you leave Port Royale, the safer you'll be."  
  
"How the hell do I get out of here then?"  
  
"The only person who can help you now is the Governor of Port Royale!"  
  
"Ya mean, Arnold Schwarenegger?"  
  
"No Governor Swann. It's a long journey from here. Did you bring your ship with you?"  
  
"Uh, no. Afraid not."  
  
"Well, you'll have to board on a ship. Just follow the purple brick road down to the ships."  
  
"But.."  
  
"Just follow the purple brick road!"  
  
They all started to chant, "Follow the purple brick road!"  
  
I muttered, "You sure are a group of gay redcoats!" 


	3. The Pirate

Thanks to Caligirlmj, yuhi, Rachel the Insane Unicorn, Arianna, Starry Eyes, darksamurai13, & Britt! You all are wonderful! I swear, most of the reviews from here and comments on LJ say it's very weird but in a good way! Score one! hehe =)  
  
You know what I realized? I had Dorothy land in Port Royale and there would be no adventure seeing how the Governor is there. So I made a minor change and have her land in Tortuga.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own everything! *runs away from all these lawyers* Ok OK! I OWN NOTHING! NOTHING!  
  
"Now which way do we go?" I pondered aloud. I had been walking for about an hour or longer when I realized that I reached the other side of the island.   
  
"You can always take a ship."  
  
I whirled around and only to see a man hanging from a noose right by the docks! EW!  
  
"Alright! Who said that? Come out before I pop a cap in your,"  
  
Tutu jumped out of my arms and went over to the dead man.  
  
"Oh Tutu! That man is dead!"  
  
"No I'm not!"  
  
I looked around but didn't see anyone else...well living that is.  
  
"Come on, Tutu! I don't want you getting dead man germs all over you!"  
  
"I'm not dead, savvy!"  
  
I looked more closely at the man. Why he wasn't! His hands were between the rope and his neck. He was a strange looking fellow. His teeth had bits of gold and his hair were in braids even his goatee!  
  
"How can you even manage to talk like that? Aren't your hands tired?" I asked, peering more closely.  
  
"Yes, luv, but I an't figure out any 'ther way! Me brain is dead from lack of rum. Mmmm delicious rum...." The strange man began to drool at the thought. Ew.....  
  
"Oy, where are my manners? How are you?"   
  
He replied, "How are ye?" I began to believe his story about his dead brain cells...  
  
"Quite well, thanks."  
  
"I ain't doin' quite tha' well. It's awfully hard to be hangin' 'round wit a noose, tryin' not to die, savvy."  
  
I wouldn't have helped but he was handsomely roguish so I cut the rope and he fell to the ground, gasping.  
  
"Thank ye lass! It feels good to be free! Did I scare ye?"  
  
"No. Was I suppose to?"  
  
"Well, ye see, I was hangin' there as a warnin' to otha' pirates like meself. But it do no good because more pirates come to point an' laugh at ol' Jack."  
  
"A Pirate? Oh I'm excited! But what would you do if you had rum?"  
  
"Do? Why if I had rum, I could,"  
  
He started to sing. Damn musical.  
  
"I could sail away the hours,  
  
Raidin' n scours  
  
Consultin' with the compass.  
  
And me head I'd be scratchin'  
  
While me thoughts were hatchin'  
  
If I only had rum.  
  
I'd unravel every treasure  
  
Lookin' for the answer  
  
In pillagin' and freedom."  
  
"With the thoughts you'll be thinkin'  
  
You always be plunderin'  
  
If you only had rum." I sang along. DAMNIT!  
  
He sang back,  
  
"I could tell you why  
  
The ocean's near the shore  
  
I could think of things I never have before,  
  
And then I'd steer and think a bit more.  
  
I would not be just a bandit  
  
I'd be a super duper pirate  
  
If I only had rum."  
  
He began to do a drunken dance or perhaps it was his normal swagger, around humming his tune.  
  
He began again,  
  
"Luv, it would be pleasin'  
  
To figure out the reason  
  
For all the slappin's.  
  
Then perchance I'll deserve ye'  
  
And maybe even worthy  
  
If I only had rum."  
  
He tripped and fell down. I kneeled down besides him.  
  
"If it makes you feel better, if we had pirates in modern day Amercia, everyone would be scared of you!" I reassured. People would think he was insane.  
  
"They would?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Where's Modern Day America?"  
  
"It's where I live. I want to go back so I have to go all the way to Port Royale to get to the Governor to help me."  
  
"You're going to see a Governor?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Do ye think if I come 'long, he'll give me some rum?"  
  
My eyes darted around. Ummm...  
  
"I dunno. But if he doesn't you'd be no worse off!"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"But I think you would be best here. I have a angry pirate and you could get into even more trouble."  
  
"Pirate? BAH! I'm not afraid of anything. Except someone burnin' the rum."  
  
"Hell, I don't blame ya. I'd be hella pissed too."  
  
"But aye'd face a prissy Governor's daughter burning it all for a chance of havin' me some rum. I won't be any trouble and I won't do anythin' because I can't think wit out it. Take me?"  
  
"Sure, I could use some entertainment on this trip!"  
  
He waggled his eyebrows at me and smirked.  
  
"Sorry, but if we get drunk off rum, then yes." I said.  
  
"To Port Royale?"  
  
"To Port Royale!"  
  
We began to sing.  
  
"We're off to see the Governor  
  
The Governor of Port Royale  
  
We hear he's a wiz of a...."  
  
We stopped and comtemplated.  
  
"The Governor of Port Royale   
  
is one because because because  
  
the awesome things he does!  
  
We're off to see the Governor  
  
The Governor of Port Royale!"  
  
We were walking along, well I was. Jack was swaggering.   
  
"Look Jack! Apples!" (A/N: Freaky coincedence that Wizard of Oz and POTC has apples?)   
  
I picked one off and the tree slapped me!  
  
"HEY! WHAT THE HONEST.."  
  
The tree said, "What do you think you're doing?"  
  
"What does it look like? Taking an apple!" I retorted, angry that a tree slapped me.  
  
"How would you like it if someone came along and picked something off you?"  
  
I was about to commented back when Jack grabbed my arm.  
  
"C'mon luv. You don' be wantin' any of those apples!"  
  
The tree glared, "Whaddya mean she don't be wantin' any?"  
  
"Well, she doesn't like green....worms!"  
  
"WORMS? WORMS?!?!?!" The tree began shaking its branches and then......started throwing apples at us!  
  
"Run away! Run away!" Jack screamed and we ran for a bit until I crashed into something....somebody. 


	4. The HighSociety Woman

My sister read my story and asked if I knew what savvy meant. Ah-duh. But I like Jack randomly using it! Plus I'm the author so *insert evil laugh here*  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own everything! *runs away from all these lawyers* Ok OK! I OWN NOTHING! NOTHING!  
  
MANY THANK YOUS!  
  
yuhi- i'm glad that my story was able to keep you from falling asleep on the keyboard hehe.  
  
Britt- I was also in a production of Wizard of Oz...even though it was a parody called Austin Lands in Odd. How rad is that?  
  
Starry Eyes12- I can definitely see Jack on the streets today! I would so jump on him! hehe  
  
Black Rose25- My, my! You're a very enthusiatic reviewer! Well, about the 3 and a half, I watched part of it but then we had to leave! =( My friend still owes me the other half! *shakes fist*  
  
Rachel the Insane Unicorn- hehe thank ye kindly!  
  
Mijozi- I like the "run away, run away!" They do that alot in Monty Python *is huge fan*  
  
I looked up and there before me was a girl. She was a bit taller than me with a fancy shmancy dress on.  
  
"Why, it a rich white girl!" I exclaimed.  
  
"A what?" Jack inquired, peering over my shoulder.  
  
"Can't...breathe..." the girl whispered.  
  
"Did she say something?"  
  
"Can't...breathe...." Her eyes rolled up into the back of her head and she fell to the ground.  
  
"Can't breathe? What does she mean by that?" I pondered.  
  
Jack replied, "Clearly you've never been to Singapore."  
  
He took out his knife and slashed the front part of her corset.  
  
"Come on luv. Wakey wakey."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "This is how you do it."  
  
I knelt down besides the unconsious girl and covered her mouth. Then plugged her nose. That woke her right up.  
  
She gasped, "I...can breathe again!"  
  
"How on God's green Earth did you even wear that thing?" I exclaimed, pointing toward that dastardly corset.  
  
"Well, it's the latest fashion in London. I can only go so far before I pass out from suffocation."  
  
Right right. I forget that I'm stuck in a 17th century musical. Aw man, someone is going to pay.  
  
"So what are ye doing out here, where there be talking trees, savvy?"  
  
"I just went out for a walk before I have to attend Norrington's ceremony." Elizabeth said.  
  
"Well, you're perfect now so go on."  
  
"Perfect? HAH! Bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect!" (A/N: That is a real line from Wizard of Oz)  
  
Jack's eyes widened and his hands did this little wierd movement. I grabbed ahold of him and shook my head fiercely.  
  
She gave a us a wierd look and continued, "I have no heart. I love someone but I'm forced to love another."  
  
"No heart?" Jack and I both exclaimed.  
  
"No heart."  
  
"That's physically impossible!"  
  
"It's a symbol!"  
  
Ugh, having flashbacks to junior year English! MAKE IT STOP! I shook away those memories.  
  
"Oh...." She cleared her throat and began to sing.  
  
"When a woman's an empty tart,  
  
When she should really be a sweetheart.  
  
Yet I'm all torn apart.  
  
Just because I'm presumin'  
  
that I could get with Orlando Bloomin'  
  
If only I had a heart."  
  
Wait...how does she know about Orlando Bloom? Curiouser and curiouser.  
  
She continued,   
  
"I'd be loving and gentle   
  
and awfully like an angel  
  
about burning tons of rum.  
  
I'd be friends with sparrows..."  
  
Jack's ears perked up. Probably still thinking about banging her chest. So wrong in so many ways.  
  
"and the boy who works at Carrows  
  
If I only had a heart.  
  
Picture me...on a balcony...above my voice  
  
would screech."  
  
"Where's me rum?" Jack nodded.  
  
"I would hear a beat. How swell!  
  
Just to register emotion  
  
Hate and Crimson  
  
And really get into part,  
  
I could stay young and pretty,  
  
Rich and cushy,  
  
If I only had a heart!  
  
Jack and her linked arms and began to dance around a bonfire...Wait a minute...Where did that bonfire come from?   
  
An idea popped in my head.  
  
Jack and her plopped down next to me.  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
"Sorry. Just a little rusty."  
  
"Why don't you come with us to see the Governor in Port Royale and see if he can give you a heart?"  
  
"Port Royale? Suppose he wouldn't give me one?"  
  
"He must! We've come such a long way!"  
  
An evil laugh interrupted our conversation.  
  
"What's that?" cried out Elizabeth.  
  
Barbossa walked into view, "You call that long? You have just begun. Have you forgotten about me?"  
  
We looked at each other and nodded.  
  
Barbossa rolled his eyes. "Helping Dorothy along? You should stay away from her! Or I'll empty every rum bottle in the entire Caribbean" pointing at Jack, "And you," pointing to Elizabeth, "I can make you an ugly wench so no one will love you!"  
  
I sighed. What a drama queen.  
  
"And you"  
  
"Who me?"  
  
"Yes you!"  
  
"Couldn't be."  
  
"Then who? Wait...I just wanted to say I wish you luck with the Governor and a happy journey to California!"  
  
"Why, that's the nicest thing you've ever said!"  
  
"You're suppose to be intimidated!"  
  
"By a compliment?"  
  
"Yee..." he disappeared.  
  
"I'm not 'fraid of him! I'll help ye safely to tha' Governor whether me have rum or not!" Jack assured.  
  
"I'll help you too whether or not I get a heart!" Elizabeth proclaimed.  
  
"You're the bestest 17 century friends anybody ever could ask for! It's funny really but I feel like I have known you forever. Sad really now that I think about it..."  
  
"Hmmm...maybe I have threatened you before?" asked Jack.  
  
"You sure aren't above in a high society so no." reassured Elizabeth.  
  
"To Port Royale?"  
  
"To Port Royale!"  
  
We started to sing,  
  
"We're off to see the Governor  
  
The Governor of Port Royale  
  
We hear he is a gov of a..."  
  
"Damnit! We really need to think of a part that goes there!" I cried.  
  
"We'll figure it out 'ater luv."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Sang again,  
  
"The Governor of Port Royale   
  
is one because because because  
  
the awesome things he does!  
  
We're off to see the Governor  
  
The Governor of Port Royale!"  
  
I stopped, "Can we do one itsy-bitsy thing before we keep along the purple brick road?"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
I smirked.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! That's what you get for slapping me, you stupid tree!" I yelled as I watched Elizabeth set it on fire.  
  
I took an apple and skipped away, with Jack and Elizabeth following me.  
  
Damn straight. 


	5. The Eunuch

AARGH! SORRY IT'S SO LATE! MY LIFE CONSISTS OF SCHOOL (I'M A SENIOR! FINALLY!) AND OF BAND! SO I WAS ABLE TO PUT OUT THIS CHAPPIE! I HOPE IT DOESN'T SUCK THAT MUCH! 3  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own everything! *runs away from all these lawyers* Ok OK! I OWN NOTHING! NOTHING!  
  
MANY THANK YOUS!  
  
yuhi- hehe thank ye kindly! =)  
  
Starry Eyes12- I feel special that you were singing my songs @ school!!! hehe! And your friend trips down the stairs! oh becrackers! too funny! She's ok though right?  
  
Rachel the Insane Unicorn- haha thanks! here's more!  
  
Britt- Our parody, Austin Lands in Odd, followed Austin Powers as he wander around Odd while Dorothy wandered around the 60s meeting up with Sonny and Cher. Mulder and Scully from the X-files were in it too. I can't remember though how Dorothy met up with Austin and everyone else. Hope this helped!  
  
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We were walking along the purple brick road, slowly. We were in a poor ghetto part of Tortuga. The place was hella creepy! I voiced my opinion aloud.  
  
"I don't like this place. It's creepy!"   
  
"As tha' ol' sayin' goes, it gits more sober befo' drunk." Jack offered.  
  
Elizabeth and I gave him quizzical looks.  
  
"Um, do you suppose we'll meet any wild...things?" asked Elizabeth.  
  
I commented, "I suppose."  
  
"Like rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves." Jack said.  
  
"RASCALS?" I freaked.  
  
"SCOUNDRELS?" freaked Elizabeth.  
  
"Villians and knaves." Jack replied non-chalantly.  
  
I grabbed ahold of each their arms and started skipping down the road.  
  
"Oh! Rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves! Oh my!"  
  
We all chimed in.  
  
"Oh! Rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves! Oh my!"  
  
I halted all of a sudden and screamed.  
  
"What is it, Dorothy?"  
  
"..." I pointed.  
  
They turned in the direction I pointed.  
  
"What IS that?" questioned Elizabeth.  
  
"Don't worry, miladies! I'll protect ye!" Jack jumped up and unsheathed his sword.   
  
The two began a sword fight. Parry, thrust, spin...bla bla all those other sword fighting terms. Tutu jumped out of my arms.   
  
"TUTU!"   
  
The creature began to step closer and closer while still fighting Jack. Tutu was in danger of being stepped on!!  
  
"NO!"   
  
I ran over and threw dirt into the creature's eyes. Jack disarmed him.  
  
"You cheated!"  
  
"Pirate." Jack announced.  
  
"And you almost stepped on Tutu!" I picked up the ferret and began cuddling it.  
  
"It's awful enough that you get into a fight with a PIRATE but almost step on the ferret? Uh-uh."  
  
"Well, you didn't have to throw dirt in my eyes. It hurts." He began sniffling.  
  
"Wha' a baby. Makin' a big fuss over nuthin'! Remind meself of...wha be ye name?"  
  
"Will Turner."  
  
"Strong name, lad. Perhaps named after ye father?" inquired Jack.  
  
"HEY! Can we talk about me and trying to get back to California?! Yea thanks!"  
  
"I have a positively wonderful idea! Why don't you join us on our venture, Mister Turner?" Elizabeth exclaimed.  
  
"Now wait a minute. If I'm be going for me rum, and you," as he pointed to Elizabeth, "for a love. Then what do ye be needin'?"  
  
Will began to sang,  
  
"Ye, it's really sad, believe me, totally schmuck,  
  
when you're born to be a eunuch.  
  
But I could show my true side  
  
be a pirate than a blacksmith  
  
If only I had the nerve.  
  
I'm afraid there's no denyin'  
  
that I'm just a pretty youngun'  
  
A fate I don't deserve.  
  
I'd be brazen as a pirate--"  
  
Elizabeth chimed in,  
  
"I'd be lovely as a poppet--"  
  
Jack sang,  
  
"I'd be drunk like them hobbits--"  
  
"If the governor is a governor who will serve." I sang.  
  
"Then I'm sure to get me rum--" Jack replied.  
  
"A heart--" sang Elizabeth.  
  
"California!" I replied.  
  
"Piracy." sang Will.  
  
We all link arms and began to skipping, winterguard style, and singing,  
  
"Oh, we're off to see the Governor  
  
The Governor of Port Royale.  
  
We hear..."  
  
"hrm....this is really hard. At least in the Wizard of Oz they had whiz of a Wiz!" I commented.  
  
They gave me strange looks.  
  
"We hear he is a gov of a Gov  
  
If ever a Gov there was...?" asked Jack.  
  
Elizabeth said, "I suppose that will have to do for now!"   
  
We began again,  
  
"...If ever, oh ever, a Gov there was  
  
The Governor of Port Royale is one because  
  
because because BECAUSE!  
  
The wonderful things he does!  
  
We're off to see the Governor  
  
The Governor of Port Royale!"   
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
The evil capitan, Barbossa, was staring at the wierd foursome through his little eyeglass.  
  
"Aha!" He laughs.  
  
"So ye don't take heed to warning, do ye? All the more worse for ye then. I shall take care of ye later! When I get me hands on that Aztec gold, I will be a real boy!"  
  
"Man, sir." pointed out Pintel.  
  
"Yes...'man.' Ah, I will see to it that those scally-wags head toward the Isla de la Muerta! Muwahahahaha!"  
  
Ragetti and Pintel started to laugh evilly along with Barbossa.  
  
"No!" Barbossa whined, "Only I get to laugh evilly! I'm the captian!" 


	6. Port Royale

Man oh man! It's been forever and a day since I last updated! I could have sworn I did! And I thought I got no reviews for Chappie 5 and I did! Whoa. Well thanks to...  
  
Kitty the drunken butterfly- Glad that you love it! And I'm added to your faves list! What an honor!  
  
Julie- Hehe thanks for your enthusiam!  
  
Rachel the Insane Unicorn- I'm glad that it doesn't suck! Thanks!  
  
Alena Queen- Thank you so much!  
  
On with the story!  
  
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Shortly after our discovery of Will, we had been able to board a ship called the Interceptor. Actually no one was on it and we sorta kinda stole it from the British Royal Navy. But that's not important! We were well on our way to Port Royale!   
  
After 3 days of unusually nasty sunny weather, we finally caught our first glimpses of Port Royale!  
  
"Look at it! Isn't it the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?" asked Elizabeth, her eyes twinkling.  
  
Jack expertly docked the ship and avoided paying 3 shillings to dock it. We walked all the way to the Governor's rich and nice mansion.  
  
I rang the doorbell.  
  
"Who rang that bell?"  
  
We looked around.  
  
"Err...I did."  
  
"Can't you read?" stated the mysterious voice.  
  
"No."  
  
There was a silence.  
  
"Well the bell is out of order. So knock!"  
  
I blinked, "But I just rang the bell and it made a noise!"  
  
Silence again. The group and I looked at each other.  
  
"Well, state your business then!"  
  
"We want to see tha' Governor." replied Jack.  
  
"Ooh! The Governor? Nobody can see the Governor! Nobody has ever seen the Great Gov! Not even me!"  
  
Will asked,"How do you know if there is one?"   
  
Silence.  
  
"Please sir! The Commodore sent me here!"  
  
"She has tha' Aztec medallion!" piped up Jack.  
  
"The Aztec medallion? Why didn't you say so?"   
  
The door opened and there appeared a stuffy old butler in a tux.   
  
"Come. We must get you all cleaned up before you can see the Governor!"  
  
The next few hours were done doing just that. Jack got clean new clothes and his yucky hair washed. New kohl applied and his weapons nice and spiffy.  
  
Elizabeth didn't need that much work. Just a bit more make-up and a new, looser corset.  
  
Will got new clothes and his weapons cleaned.  
  
Me, on the other hand...  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I OUTRIGHT REFUSE TO WEAR THAT DASTARDLY DRESS! NO WAY WILL YOU GET ME TO WEAR A FREAKIN' CORSET! OVER YOUR DEAD BODIES! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Luckily with all my fussing, I got to wear pants and a shirt. Take that, high society! WHA!  
  
So we were heading back to the Governor's mansion when Jack happened to look up.  
  
"Look righ' there!"  
  
He pointed to where a cute little monkey was holding a sign.  
  
The sign said, "Surrender Dorothy or be cursed forever!"  
  
"Eep."  
  
The townsfolk began clustering around the monkey and speculating on the mysterious message.  
  
"Whose Dorothy? Ah, the Governor must know! To the Governor!"  
  
"Come on! We need to head to the Governor's mansion before all these people do!" said Elizabeth and we began running for it.  
  
The gates were closed and there was a guard outside of it saying, "No one is allowed to see the Governor! He's in a meeting with himself about this happening! Move along now!"  
  
"Please we need to see the Governor! All four of us!"  
  
"No one gets to see the Governor! Now excuse me, we're switching guards."  
  
He walked off a little ways, turned his moustache upside, and walked on back.  
  
"How may I help you?"  
  
We turned and looked at each other.  
  
"We need to see the Governor like we told the previous guard." said Will.  
  
I smacked myself in the forehead. Will is not the brightest crayon in the box. Not the brightest at all.  
  
"No one was ever daft like you boy." Jack said, "unlike one mate but ahhh yes."  
  
"Hello? Let's try to concentrate on getting past the guards! Yea thanks!"   
  
Getting aggravated?  
  
Just a little.  
  
"No one gets to see the Governor!"  
  
"But I'm Dorothy!"  
  
"Captian Barbossa's Dorothy? That makes a load of a difference! I'll announce you at once!"  
  
The guard left into the mansion. We took a seat on the terrenced garden.  
  
"Did ya hear tha'? He'll announce us at once! I 'av as good as me rum!"  
  
"I can almost hear winds of true love!"  
  
"I'll be home in time to watch Everwood!"  
  
"In another hour, I'll become a pirate! If..."  
  
Oh God, he's going to sing!  
  
Jack smacked his hand over Will's mouth and kept it there.  
  
"We don' want ta be scarin' off tha Governor, savvy?" 


End file.
